Brainsick

Sometimes a writer needs a creative kick in the ass. But what if the muse who kicked your ass has hung up her ass-kicking boots and run off with your greasy, cowboy hat-wearing, unemployed, mono-browed neighbor? You know...the one without the neck.

So now your muse is riding him like Debra Winger rode that mechanical bull in Urban Cowboy and there ain't a goddamn thing you can do about it except choke the hell out of the pillow that once cushioned her cheating little head or hug that goosedown close while wearing the red, lacy panties she left behind as you're curled up in a trembling, whimpering pathetic pile of blubbering bilge.

The previous paragraph is proof of what happens when a writer's muse leaves you high and dry. It hurts, my friends, it hurts bad. That's why I've provided the following prompts to help muse-abandoned writers everywhere find a way to escape their uncreative dark place. Go ahead and use them to inspire literary greatness in your masterpiece and show that muse bitch you don't need her anymore.

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Diana Grove's American Sideshow presents Brainsick: Oddly Demented Prompts For the Muse-Abandoned Writer featuring some of my clipart and writer's prompts.

Odd News Bits

Woman Fails Gender Test From Asian Games

NEW DELHI (Reuters) - An Indian silver medallist at the Doha Asian Games could be stripped of her medal after failing a gender test, an Indian sports official said on Sunday.

The gender test was comprised of two parts: physical demonstration and written. During the physical demonstration portion, the Indian silver medallist was unable to apply makeup properly. At one point, she even covered her bindi with blush. Later, she was unable to walk effectively in high heels, stumbling several times before crashing to the floor. She landed with her legs splayed, her short skirt hiked up around her waist, and her balls poking out of the side of her panties.

On the written gender test, she answered "yes" to the question "Do you have a penis"?

Man Given Costume Option For Slaying Dog

PAINESVILLE, Ohio - A man who shot his Great Dane in the head may have his jail sentence reduced if he dresses up as a dog.

He will serve his time at Rory's Maximum Security Pit Bull and Dingo Compound for wayward dogs. He also must agree to wear Mush, the special bitch-in-heat vagrance that let's the canine studs know you're ready to dance doggie style.

"Macaca" Named Most Politically Incorrect Word

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - "Macaca" you are number one. The word "macaca," used by outgoing Republican Senator George Allen of Virginia to describe a Democratic activist of Indian descent who was trailing his campaign, was named the most politically incorrect word of the year on Friday by Global Language Monitor, a nonprofit group that studies word usage.

The incorrect political phrase of the year was won for the fifth year in a row by Dick Cheney for saying, "Donald Rumsfeld is the best secretary of defense the United States has ever had." Cheney won in previous years with the following phrases:

2005: "The insurgency in Iraq is in the last throes."

2004: "Go fuck yourself."

2003: "We will be greeted as liberators."

2002: "There is no doubt that Saddam Hussein now has weapons of mass destruction."

Odd News Bits

Dolphins Saved by Arm Wrestling

SHANGHAI (Reuters) - The world's tallest man has saved the lives of two dying dolphins in China by reaching deep into their stomachs to pull out pieces of plastic...

The Iraq Study Group has requested the services of the world's tallest man to help pull the president's head out of his ass.

Georgia Rules Potter Can Stay on School Shelves

ATLANTA (Reuters) - The Georgia department of education on Thursday upheld a decision by the county board that would allow the wildly popular series by author J.K. Rowling to remain in school libraries...

However, thousands of other books were removed from the libraries to combat outbreaks of bibliophilism and fancy book learnin'.

Nazi Gingerbread Men Moved to New Town

WELLINGTON, Ohio - An artist who was forced to remove his Nazi gingerbread men from the window of a hardware store has set up the display in an empty storefront in another town.

And that town was Tortuguitas, Argentina.

Airlines Workers Sacrifice Camel at Airport

ISTANBUL (Reuters) - Workers at Turkish Airlines celebrated a job well done by sacrificing a camel at Istanbul airport and their boss has now been suspended.

The boss was suspended because the job performance was so outstanding that two more camels should have been sacrificed along with the 12-year-old orphan stowaway found in the baggage compartment.

Tired of Ridicule, Fjuckby Seeks Name Change

STOCKHOLM (Reuters) - After years of ridicule the inhabitants of the Swedish village of Fjuckby have had enough.

The residents of the small hamlet submitted an application for a name change, along with a list of replacement names they would consider--Fjellatio, Tugjob, Bukkake, Fjelcher, Spljooge, and Woodjablowme.

New York Women Release Anger--by Jell-O Wrestling

NEW YORK (Reuters) - By day Sandra Martinez works at a New York law firm, but by night she throws off her conservative image and becomes "Sandra Claws" -- an amateur female Jell-O wrestler.

Sandra aspires to be a professional female Jell-O wrestler within the next few years. After that, she hopes to advance to the professional female dairy wrestling circuit, where she can display her grappling skills in sour cream, yogurt, and assorted puddings.